qotd: that's just cruel

What's the weirdest baby name you've ever heard (or considered)?

Honestly I believe we need a Baby Name Czar. Seriously.

I blame the drugs. And the hormones and endorphins and the pain and panic and everything else that goes on in maternity wards these days. The modern baby is lucky if her birth certificate doesn't contain a completely original, impossible to spell, name or series of names that the parents made up for fear of being accused of stealing someone else's name; or one of the trendy hip names that sixteen other members (of both sexes) of his kindergarten class will share.

I understand the urge to be unique. You want to make it easy for people to remember your precious child. But sometimes I think people go to far. I think the drugs make people forget that you would like your child to be remembered for his unique talents and/or good looks - not his one of a kind, multisyllabic, won't fit on a ScanTron form, name.

Let's face it, kids are cruel. It doesn't take much for their clever little minds to turn some unfortunate kid's name into a mean nickname that sticks like Elmer's glue. Why make it easy?

I knew things were out of hand when the New York Times reported (several years back) that the top baby names for boys were Aidan, Baden, and Caden, complete with multiple spellings. Further down on the list were Jaden and Payden. I had visions of women friends who got pregnant at the same time with little boys picking letters of the alphabet from a fish bowl so that no one would feel like her baby name was *gasp* stolen. It was the first time in the history of keeping track of these things that the top names were not biblical. Not that I am necessarily in favor of biblical names, but at least there are stories behind them.

It also seems that having fun with the middle name can have interesting results. A former friend's middle name is B. That's right, just the letter 'B'. Her older brother's middle name is the letter 'A'. And the sibling that came after that is 'C'  and so on. I think her mom stopped at E.

In Texas it is not uncommon if a boy is a III, that his name is Trey. Yes, as in tres, meaning three. Guess he is lucky they don't accidentally write "Tray" in the first name box. Texas is also where the legend of the twins Ima and Ura Hog originated. At least they were wealthy.

Filipinos are also notorious for crazy baby names. B actually knew sisters named Cherry Pie and Apple Pie. I temped once with a woman who insisted I call her Prissy - after all it was on her name plate and her real name! They also like to try and name their children after US Presidents. Go figure.

This story isn't mine, but it seems appropriate to share:  A group of women were having lunch with a pregnant friend when the topic of baby names came up. The woman shared that she and her husband had decided on "Dion" as it would work equally well for a boy or a girl. One woman commented that that was nice while another asked, "but isn't your daughter's name, Celine?" Seems this woman was truly a fan. Poor kids.

My friends that are teachers have shared even worse. Children named after certain body parts (yes, like vulva, vagina, and penis). And while there is nothing wrong with those words, it wouldn't be appropriate to name a child 'Knee', 'Armpit', or 'Head' either. And just think of the fun that arises each time that child is called on from middle school forward.